I’m in a comshop full of _________.
Fill in the blank, dudes.
- I can die. Like, right now.
- I wish I have my laptop with me. Saves time, saves money.
- Wow. That male version of Bleeding Love sounds better than the original one.
- For the first time evaaaar, I won’t go home this weekend.
- 3 more examinations to go, and still hoping that there wouldn’t be another one coming.
- Hey money, where did you go?
- Too many dudes around in this com shop.
- Tell me, how am I going to finish my papers if I’m writing here?
Out. Out. Out. Taddaaaa.
I feel that sinking feeling in my stomach again.
I read his blog again in hopes that he would reply something really nice to the comment that I’ve given him.
I got a ‘Thanks’.
Nothing more.
It was nice, of course, but it was disappointing. I know he was wondering who I was since I didn’t put on my name; and with my imagination running on its full force, I think he opted to answer with such a short reply so as to avoid any misinterpretation on his part since the topic’s really sensitive.
Of course, that’s just me kidding myself.
——
The problem with admiring someone from far away, especially one like him, is that you don’t really know if it’s just mere admiration because you tend to think a lot about him, more than you’re supposed to; or it’s infatuation, because you think you’re just obsessed with the idea of him; or if you’re really in love, because, simply, you are.
He’s quite good-looking, sensible, has a lot of friends, writes well, comes from a good family, and most of all, intelligent. He’s actually more than what I could handle. And I’ve been fantasizing him for almost one and half years now.
I really, really feel stupid. And hopeless. And stupid.
The way that I can only look at him from afar and can only touch his thoughts and emotions through his blog, it’s frustrating. And degrading.
And I have so much pride to put up with it. This should end.
But then again, I’m stupid. I’ve realized that before, that this should end. It didn’t. Blame stupidity. Blame him. Blame the heavens. Blame me.
I am, honestly, hurting right now, just because I can’t have him and never *sighs* will.
